Movie Review: Baywatch

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The latest series to get a reboot in movie form is the Baywatch series. Starring Dwayne Johnson and Zac Effron in the lead roles the movie brings the popular 90s television series to the screen.

The movie follows the story of Mitch ( Johnson) an all- too serious life guard who thinks that he is also a crime busting cop, keeping his dirty beaches clean.  By day he patrols Emerald beach keeping the waters safe for beach goers with a squad of bikini clad girls who have indestigishable personalities and more than enough hair flicks to get whip lash.

When new recruit and ridiculously muscly fallen star, Olympic athlete Matt Brody ( Effron) is recruited as a PR stunt to bring some much needed new recruits to the beach Mitch gets his nose out of joint at first. However the two learn to work together when a large drug smuggling operation is discovered to be taking place right there on their pristine beach.

In a word, Baywatch is a flop. There are one too many dick jokes and cheap smutty humour. The antagonist is a bee stung lipped caricature  that almost resembles the likes of Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle and is nothing short of an insult.  Her one liners are pathetic and sexist all at once – if that is even possible.

To add insult to injury the floppy story line has a sub plot where the geek Ronnie ( Jon Bass) gets the hot girl in the end. The whole idea of this is enough to make any feminist or decent person sick with the constant zooming in on CJ Parker’s  ( Kelly Rohrbach ) boobs and ass the entire time the two share the screen. This tired sub plot that encourages rape culture is over worked and a theme that needs to be phased out of movies all together. Sorry guys but there is no way in the real world that the chubby geek with too much nipple hair would ever get the ‘babe’ and this ridiculous sub plot is beyond unbelievable.  To add insult to injury there are scenes between the two that are not crucial to the plot and are simply and attempt to get a few cheap laughs whilst succeeding in being completely superfluous excuses to give geeks hope that if they try hard enough they may just get the hot girl.

The plot is unoriginal and tired, there are one too many times where instead of laughing viewers are simply eye rolling at the riduculousness of this lame attempt at a comedy/ drama/ remake.

Do watch out cameos from the original Mitch ( David Hasselhoff) and CJ Parker ( Pamela Anderson) in blink and you will miss them scenes. Its a little tongue in cheek but worth the screen time for nostalgia sakes.

The only redeeming quality of this movie is that at least Zac Effron looks amazing without a shirt on with his multitude of muscles, the rest of it is seemingly forgettable and was best left as a cheesy 90s television series.

Baywatch is in cinemas on June 1.

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